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In Her Own Words: Mary Cain’s “This Is Not About Running”

In Her Own Words: Mary Cain’s “This Is Not About Running”

May 27, 2026

Book cover of This Is Not About Running by Mary Cain

Trigger warnings: disordered eating, body shaming, sexual harassment, abuse, self-harm, mental health episodes, and suicidal ideation.

Mary Cain burst onto the running scene as a 12-year-old track prodigy. She was dubbed the “fastest girl in America,” winning multiple national titles while at Bronxville High School and a gold medal at the World Junior Championships in 2014. Two years later she abruptly left the Nike Oregon Project (NOP), where she’d been coached by the legendary Alberto Salazar. In 2019 Cain revealed she’d experienced systematic abuse under the NOP; she later sued Nike and Salazar and won an undisclosed settlement.

Now 30 and a medical student at Stanford University, Cain has written “This Is Not About Running,” a raw, honest memoir and a call to arms for reform of youth running culture. The book is not an easy read—as the following excerpts illustrate—but it’s an important one.

Cain writes in the book's introduction, "I believe sports can change. But to end abuse in sports, we must face dark, uncomfortable truths... [W]e need societal buy-in to make this change happen. That is why I have written this memoir."

Chapter 12

"You think you're better than everyone!" she shouts. She throws up her arms in frustration, and I flinch again. She lists all the reasons no one likes me.

I don't glance at Mitchell. My eyes focus on her perfectly sprayed hair. It never comes undone; in fact it hardly moves at all, no matter how much she gesticulates. Staring at her hair now makes her screams feel a bit less real.

I flinch each time her hands wave near my face. Spittle flecks onto my cheeks, but I don't wipe it away. I stand as stoically as possible. I wait for someone, anyone, to intervene. Mitchell is right there. I wait. The captains are there. I wait. My teammates are there. I wait. Other teams are there. I wait.

No one is going to stop this tirade. It's gone on too long. I accept that. I am alone in this. Inhaling, I take a small step back. Brittney doesn't lurch after me. I turn on my heel and speed-walk away. She doesn't follow. She just yells after me.

Chapter 56

Alberto's in my room at night again. I lie awake, but keep my eyes closed. This isn't the first time this has happened. It's the third. That I know of.

The first time I realized that Alberto was in my room in the middle of the night, I freaked out. I didn't know it was him. I jerked my head out of my altitude tent. I thought of all the Dateline episodes I'd watched. I was ready to run out of the room. But it was only Alberto. We stared at each other.

Chapter 91

Alberto says I've visibly gained weight. Sure, I'm the second best American 1500m runner, but he says I'm not fit enough to race abroad. I'll embarrass myself. I'm too heavy to race well.

I was hoping to shut my season down before moving to Portland to start college and start training full-time with the team. But now I have to do two fall road races to salvage the season. Back-to-back weekends of cross-country flights will be difficult as I adjust to living away from home. But this is my own fault.

I should have listened to Alberto's concerns about my weight ever since my stress fracture. But I just assumed I'd be okay. It's not like I was changing anything from the year before. I never changed my diet and I was still training hard with the stress fracture.

But I'm not okay. And Alberto reminds me of that. I'm not sure what I did wrong, but I'm ready to fix my mistakes.

Chapter 103

"Are you okay?" my mom asks. I stare just off to the side, picking a random spot in space to stare at. I feel uncomfortable looking at my parents. I'm worried that they'll see my thoughts. Like they'll know I'm falling apart. Like they'll know I want to kill myself. Well, I don't want to die. But I think of jumping into traffic. Out windows. It's weird that the only thing I don't picture is cutting my wrists. Maybe because I do cut my wrists sometimes. And my legs. I'd probably have a real problem if I thought something I did would kill me. I'm not supposed to want to kill myself.

Chapter 138

Over the last five years, I have been confronted with the two Mary Cains. There is me—the real me. And then there is the idea of me. The abused, infantilized, cautionary tale you tell other young women.

I am not my New York Times piece. I am not one of my interviews. I am not an article you read about me. I am not a picture on the internet. I am not this book.

No one can tell my story for me. I can speak for myself.

Click here to order a copy of "This Is Not About Running" from the publisher, HarperCollins.

Author: Mary Cain

Mary Cain is a professional runner and advocate for mental health in sports. At age seventeen, she became the youngest American athlete to represent the US at the track and field World Championships. She is also the founder of Atalanta NYC, which mentors underserved girls in the Bronx through running. Cain is a graduate of Fordham University and currently attends Stanford Medical School.